There are two types of women, Savage Sirens, and Sugar Maples. Siren: From Greek Mythology, Odysseus’ in his travels encountering the women who sing that alluring yet terrible song of mind bending desire. Savage: From the untamed wilds of the N.O.W. organization and certain factions of the Democratic Party.

   Now, your basic Siren is one of those women who find no inhibition in telling the guy behind the counter to kiss her fat white ass–if she’s white, that is. Note: make adjustments for color. She has no problem screaming at her boyfriend or husband in the middle of the restaurant. She takes pride in getting too drunk to remember what happened last night. She has no compunction about telling a guy that she wants to #%&! his brains out. She likes you to pull her hair during sex. She just might actually stab you in the chest with a butcher knife if she catches you cheating on her. Note: both Siren and Maple are equally skilled in this tactic and have been known to use it. And her smile can make your mouth water.

   The Sugar maple, on the other hand, would politely ask to see the manager. Note: adjustments for color non-applicable. In the restaurant, she’ll say, “Let’s just forget it” then spend the rest of the evening giving her husband or boyfriend the silent treatment. She won’t have gotten drunk last night, and if she did, she’ll seriously consider moving to another city and changing her name. She’ll softly whisper into your ear, “Make love to me.” She likes to kiss during sex. And if she catches you cheating on her, she’ll cry. Note: both Siren and Maple are equally skilled in this tactic and have been known to use it. And her smile can make you cry!

   So what’s the advantage or disadvantage of either of the two? Actually, there is none. Both are very dangerous, and should be approached with extreme caution. Should you encounter a Savage Siren, be on guard. Her cunning is well known to those of us who have dealt with such a one as she. She can smell blood, it has been estimated, at least a mile away. And show no fear. She can sense it. If you find yourself in a group of them, or heaven forbid, surrounded, create a diversion, then find the nearest escape route. If that is not an option, always carry with you a working, high-powered cell phone. It is essential for survival. I would suggest speed dial. Without making any sudden moves, retrieve it as smoothly as possible and call a buddy, apprise him of the situation, and pray he doesn’t get there too late. When he gets there, stay calm and follow his lead. You should be fine.

   As for Sugar Maples, the danger is not as immediately detectable. You can travel among them for long periods of time without the gravity of your situation becoming apparent. In fact, they can be more aggressive than the Siren. It’s just that the aggression is not seen…until it’s too late. Their stealth is legendary, and once they sink their teeth into you, they don’t let go…ever! Be on the lookout for coy tilts of the head, furtive glances, accidental touches and the like. And if she attempts to perform a task that is obviously beyond her physical strength capabilities, watch out! It’s a trick. I’ve seen it before. It’s one of their best weapons.

   Just keep your eyes open, and your cell phone nearby at all times, and you should be ok.

   And don’t forget–A friend in need, is a friend in trouble. So let’s keep each other out of trouble, and with the help of Adonis, we can reduce the casualties in the the never ending battle with the notorious Savage Sirens and the Sugar Maples.

 

       Keck