Differences

Differences

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

You know, when a guy is kicking the hell out of another guy it's rather unpleasant, and can sometimes be downright scary. However, when a woman is kicking a guy's ass, it's funny. I mean, the guy can be cowering in a corner, his arms over his head as she's pounding the living daylights out of him, and you just can't help but chuckle.
Why is that?
Guess it's just another difference between the sexes. If a guy beats a woman, we get a good heavy club and proceed to instruct him in the proper treatment of the fairer sex. However, if a woman beats a guy, we get a good laugh when we tell our buddies about it at the game.
Beards. Women don't like beards. Guys love'em. Nothing better than a good, masculine, mountain man type beard. Not to a woman. Oh, they'll tolerate one that's short and next to the skin, but the big ones, no way. They want it no more than a fine, close cropped covering. And let me tell ya', the longer the beard, the longer the intervals between bedroom bumper bouts.
They seem to like mustaches, but I think there is a practical reason for that (since this is a PG rated website, I'll let you figure that one out for yourself).
Comedy. I'm sorry, but there are no funny women comedians. Chicks just aren't funny. I don’t know why? It would seem that a joke is a joke, right? Not so. The same joke coming from a woman that a guy told and made you laugh just loses something along the way.
And speaking of jokes, try telling a joke to a mixed group that casts the female in a less than positive light. The guys will be laughing they're asses off and all you get from the women is a smirk. Allow me to qualify that. The guys will laugh their asses off unless they happen to be with some of the women there. In that case, you'll see them start to erupt but catch themselves as they look over at their girlfriend or wife. Then it's, "Hey, come on, I don't appreciate that kind of humor," as he lovingly puts his arm around his little lady.
I have a joke that never fails to get a laugh from a guy. It goes like this. Why did God give women – here I will clean it up just a bit – vaginas? Answer...so men would talk to them. Now, sure, it's a little sexist, but ya' gotta' admit it's funny. Really, a man will laugh every time. But to date, I have yet to have a woman even so much as smile.
Go figure.
And what's with having to move the damn furniture around? At my previous residence, which I lived at for five years, I moved the furniture once! And that was only because I had to make space for some bookshelves and a new recliner.
I don’t know, it would seem that the differences are so great that women would be just too much trouble to mess with. I'm sure at some point women have said the same thing about men, so I guess we're even. Still, I have to say, they do have that one special little something that draws me, haunts me, and makes me want to...um...talk to them.
And incase there are any women out there looking for a good guy, then...well...a guy anyway, I just want to let all you ladies know – I may not have a job, but I do have a nice, big, thick...mustache.

Keck