The Election’s Over

The Election’s Over

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Well, yes, it's all over. And I haven't been this saturated with insouciance for a presidential race in a long time. Let me just say, that I did vote, but not for president. Oh, I went to my polling precinct, yes indeed. I stood in line for half an hour, signed my name, picked up my ballot, and made my mark for the Republic, keeping democracy on life-support with freedom teetering in the balance.
I voted for most of the local measures, those that I knew something about, chose my congressional representative and selected my senator. Yes, I voted for God and country, but vetoed for Commander and President. That particular space I left blank. I have reasons for this but this is not the column for explaining why, except to say that in this election season, both candidates running for president are morally unacceptable. Just in case you're wondering, I have to admit...I'm a staunch, hard line, dyed in the wool, un-apologetic, maniacal and completely-sold-out-to-my-metaphysical-party-affiliation, cynic.
And damn proud of it.
As for the lesser reasons, John McCain is too short, too banged up, and not near Irish enough. Obama has the Irish thing going for him, sure – after all, O-bama...you can't get much more Irish than that. But what's with those ears? I mean, come on, are you kidding me? In a good wind, he could get some serious lift. Let's be reasonable. Do we really want someone that looks like that in an all out cage fight with Ahmadinejad? He'd use those things as handles. Not only that, he's skinny.
No, we need someone with some huevos rancheros to go a couple of rounds with those third-world whacko dictators. And don’t even think about Joe Biden. He'd start crying at the weigh-in.
That leaves us with only one viable option. Yep, I hate to say it, but the lovely Sara Palin is our best hope to give a good bare-knuckled boy beating to the president of Iran. She'd have him strung and gutted, cleaned and mounted inside of an hour. I can just see her now, sitting on the patio with Todd and the girls, a nice slab of medium-well Mahmoud on her plate, saying in between bites, "Ya' know, gosh darn it, I would'na thought he'd be this tender."
That's who we need. She's smart (contrary to what the genius, Bill Maher thinks). Unlike Bill Clinton, she's not afraid to slap Hilary around when she gets out of line. She can disembowel most large animals and tyrants without hardly breaking a sweat, and on top of all that, she's down right sizzling mega-hot!
So there's my choice. Unfortunately in our state, we can't write in our candidate of choice. Those are the secondary reasons I didn’t vote for either of the two top-ticket tax-tweakers.
Maybe someday, when God deems us worthy, we'll have a candidate I can believe in and vote for. Until then, in the famous words of a great American,
"I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you, it's poor salesmanship." Rick Blaine.

Keck