The Keck Batchelor Pad

The Keck Batchelor Pad

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Well I'm almost in my new apartment. Only a couple of days to go before I move in, and I'm thinking of making a change in my usual 'Chaotic Keck' living style. As a rule, I use the minimalist method of single guy home solutions: A recliner, a TV strategically positioned for maximum viewing capability, and everything else lands where I throw it.
As you all know, I don’t watch television. Just VHS tapes and DVD's. I don't have satellite or cable or any feed from the outside giving me local or national stations of any kind. Don't need it. Don't want it. Won't have it. Nothing against network or independent comedy, drama, or reality shows. They're fine. It's just that they're all worthless trash. To borrow form one of our Revolutionary Hero's, "Give me movie classics or give me…um, a mild fever."
Anyway, this time, unlike my regular insouciant self, I'm not going to have my apartment look like a going out of business garage sale. I've decided to actually – hold onto your hats people – decorate! Yeah, the ole' Keck is going to hang pictures, paint the walls something other than lab-coat white, and design a books and video's display shelf that is functional and attractive. I want to make my place impressive to a, preferably female, guest, should Satan's eventual place of residence ever have a drastic precipitous change in ambient general temperature.
I'm thinking soft gray satin walls, with a solid matte black accent wall to capture my lighter side. For my darker side I thought of a blood red drape hanging on the black wall to give the feel of a freshly committed hatchet murder.
Just kidding.
No, to be honest, I'm going to need some help because, as most of you know, I'm color blind. Trying to coordinate the blue with the green with the brown, ugh! It's like I'm…colorblind. Apparently, when colors clash it's quite bothersome to people. I don't really see what the big deal is. I mean, after all, what does it matter? I'd always thought, So let'em clash, it can't be that bad. But then a friend of mine likened the clashing of colors to hearing a song with a note that's off key. Being a musician, it helped me at least identify with my color-normal friends who have, in the past, demanded that I "Change either the pants or the shirt before you go anywhere with me."
But I do like the gray walls with the black accent. Call me crazy, but I want to keep that. However, as far as color goes, I'm sure I can find some chick or gay guy to help me there. I hear homosexual men are good with color.
DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to members of the homosexual community, either living or dead, is purely coincidental, and in no way is meant to suggest that the gay persuasion as a whole is abnormally gifted and or intrinsically superior in mixing, matching, or otherwise arranging shade, dye, tint, hue, or opacity combinations.
I want my apartment to give the impression that a writer, albeit an as of yet unpublished writer, is living in this interesting yet slightly strange place of residence. I am a horror and freaky weird fiction writer, and I want my place to suggest it. Don't worry, I'm not going to have a George Romero dripping severed head hanging from the ceiling, but I do want it to just hint at the macabre, if only in the slightest. I don't want a female friend to scream in terror and bolt for the door as soon as she walks in. But it would be kinda' nice if she was just a little on edge without knowing just exactly why. Of course, I'll be there to help the little lady out if she's in need of a big protective set of masculine arms to comfort her.
That's just the kind of guy I am.
So there you go, the cool Keck quarters. I'll let you know how it turns out. Maybe you could visit.
Hey…how about the Hollywood head in the refrigerator so I can have my frail little female friend go to the kitchen and get me a…Oh yeah!

Keck