Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Yes, here it is again, that long anticipated day of privilege and promise – Super Tuesday.
I don’t usually like to get political here in my weekly Let’s Talk column, but given that today is the day that we Americans go to the polls to cast our vote for the leader of the world, and the man or wom…wom…(choke-hoc-spit)…woman, who will become the most powerful man or wom…wom…(ahem!)…woman, in the world, I suppose it’s acceptable.
Now a disclaimer: (lest the ladies, and muliebral men, faint with shock from the words above let me say this…just kidding)
So, back to my point. I try very hard to conceal my staunch, unwavering, hard line, radical conservative, maniacal Calvinistic, Ann Coulter loving, Rush Limbaugh worshiping, gun toting, bible thumping worldview. But now and then…it slips out.
I’m not necessarily against any woman in every circumstance becoming President, ever. But I am necessarily against any Hilary Rodham Clinton in any circumstance becoming President of anything – EVER!
To be honest, I kinda’ got a thing for her. Really. Physically, that is; I think she’s sexy. Always have. Call me crazy, but those thick eyebrows and broad hips…wow! But as a person, I do think she may be Satan. I’m joking. Recent studies from several major universities show that there’s plenty of scientific evidence that Ted Kennedy is actually the Prince of Darkness.
But Hilary has to be a blood relation.
So, President? No, not President - or Secretary of State - or Secretary of the Interior - or Secretary of Jiffy lube. She’d probably be best suited for Head of Organization and Administration of scrap booking for the local penitentiary. Those convicts can be rough. Her ability to breathe fire would come in handy there.
Plus, the idea of The President of the United States wearing pantyhose…there’s just something so wrong about that.
I’m not trying to control our electoral process, and I’m not trying direct your vote. On this day of one of our most important political events our country has, our Presidential Primary, I really just want to encourage you to NOT vote at all. Really. Don’t do it. You’ll probably screw it up anyway. Let us not forget how technical and difficult it was to successfully punch those stubborn hanging chads two terms ago? Many of us saw the terror in the eyes of those who were traumatized by that most confusing of documents – the ballot. It wasn’t pretty. Think of your sanity, your mental health. Think of your family. What would they think, how worried would they be for your, and their, future if you contracted DUMBS (Disabled Understanding of Menial Ballot Syndrome) like those of Miami Dade and Broward Counties. Best not to take any chances. You never know. Why risk it?
However, if you must vote, be responsible. Vote conservative. I say this for America, not just for myself. Keep in mind that The Almighty is up there watching. If Hilary does get into the Whitehouse, God just might open the San Andreas and suck us all down to Hell.
And think of it: An eternity with both Hilary and Ted?
Oh, the horror!
Keck
