Monday, November 12, 2007
Ever dreaded the idea of having to go out into the coop and get a chicken for dinner; if you’ve ever hated the thought of having to wring its neck, fight with the struggling thing while trying to rip its head from its body, then those days of hands on head chopping are over. Now you can do it all with just a pull of a string. No mess, no hassle, no running round chasing the body as its neck spurts all that messy clothes staining blood.
Introducing the Chicotine.
Finally, the droll, tedious, and troublesome task of cutting a chicken’s head off is made easy and fun! Yes, it’s the safe, simple and sure way to separate that flailing fowl’s head from its body. No more scratches to endure, no more flapping wings throwing feathers everywhere. Chopping the head off of a chicken has never been easier. Forget the hassle of holding the wriggling neck while trying twist off the clucking cranium. Forget the stringing tendons and ligaments stubbornly resisting detachment. And who doesn’t hate it when those pesky lengths of tissue snap and suddenly wrap around your wrist. Those days are over.
Chicotine to the rescue.
It’s just a box, some straps, and an up-standing double rail with a heavy blade in between. Use the straps to hold down the more boisterous of birds. There are two on each side of the base, a one larger one on the top, and one on the other side of the neck slot. Simply lay the chicken over the base’s platform, strapping it down with the patented non-stretching unbreakable nylon straps (leather strap models available for those nostalgic exclusionists), lock it down, then lock those delicious drumsticks down with the side straps. Then just grab the head, pulling it through the uprights, and latch it done with the gentle, non-choking head strap. It’s that easy!
If you’re in a playful mood, try coaxing the animal into the Chicotine my luring it with seed. See if you can get its head to reach in, through the uprights under the blade, as it tries to peck at the food–pull the heavy duty triple woven cord that releases the blade, and watch the Chicotine go to work! You gotta’ be quick, though. You know how alert those pullets can be.
Yes, whether your feeling mischievous and want to try your hand at trickery, or just looking to get the job done quickly by using the straps, the Chicotine is the devise for you.
The Chicotine. A fun way to prepare dinner.
*Also works on turkeys, pigeons, rabbits, and most waterfowl. For cats, see strap adjustment instructions. Not available in some states, PETA endorsement forthcoming, some assembly required.
My family isn’t quite right. I’m just thankful God spared me the psychosis that my relatives are burdened with. Case in point: The above invention. My uncle came up with the idea and my sister came up with the name. The advertisement is mine, so I guess I got a little tainted with the family weirdness.
Keck
