My L.A. Vacation

My L.A. Vacation

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Well I'm back. Just spent two weeks in LA, Los Angeles, home of the loon, the lush, and the liberal (all of those are interchangeable).
Actually, if you've read the Joe Keck section on this site, you know I grew up out there. Go read it, it's stupid. You'll like it.
Anyway, it was wonderful seeing the old Keck stomping grounds again. My best friend, Scott, who wouldn't let me pay for anything, took me all around his community, just thirty minutes from the Sunny Southern California Coast. It was beautiful; pretty, affluent, quiet and up-scale. Then we went to where I, your honored host, was raised…Pomona. To give you an Idea of his hood as compared to mine, try going from Ann Coulter to Helen Thomas, Go from Brad Pitt to Michael Moore. Yeah, that bad. Not that Pomona is a third world country or anyting, but let me just say that when I was a kid, our cockroaches starved to death.
Still, it was great seeing the place again. It's been over fifteen years since I roamed my childhood haunts. Not much has changed. The old Fox theater was there, being renovated, or set up for demolition, whichever. That's where I saw Where Eagles Dare with Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood for fifty cents when it first came out on the circuit. I loved it then and still do. I think I watched it three times in a row (you could do that back then).
I went to Disneyland with my cousin, Renee, and her little boy, Tyler, and almost got into a fight with some illegal aliens. If they would've been able to speak English, I'd have probably gotten my ass kicked. But they didn't, so we just smiled and nodded at each other. Ahhh, the international love. I think we were both afraid of deportation…him to Mexico, and me to Oklahoma.
But it was great and I had a fantastic time. Everyone was so gracious to me: Scott and his lovely wife, Rani, Renee and her lovely husband, Jeff; those are the people I stayed with while I was there. Renee and Jeff's daughter, Kira, and their little five-year-old son, Tyler, were an absolute pleasure to see again. She's such a sweet and beautiful young woman, and he's the cutest little thing in the world. It's sad to see them grow up.
Scott's parents, Helen and Armand, Greg, his brother, Ginger, his sister and her husband, Gary, were as warm and friendly as treasured family. It was such a joy to my heart seeing them again. It was like I hadn't left.
As my stay was winding down to an end, they all got together, talked it over, and begged me to leave. But I knew I had them and held out for hard cash. We finally settled on thee hundred bucks, so I came back pretty flush.
That's about it. Oh, I almost forgot. While I was staying with Scott, he and I went to see the Innes-Brown house. That's a historical landmark, a Frank Lloyd Wright creation in LA. built in the 20's, I think. It was used in the movie Blade Runner, among others. I'll tell you all about it in my next column, but for now, let me just say I had an…incident, that involved me, Scott, my friend and fellow fugitive from justice, and a possible two to ten stretch not counting time off for good behavior. It was exciting. Stupid, but exciting. Hey, would you expect any less from me? I didn't think so.
Until next time, keep saying to yourself, "What the hell…?"