Denny’s, The New Menu

Denny’s, The New Menu

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

What's with Denny's? It seems that no matter when you go there, they're always open; Thanksgiving, Christmas, even Michael Moore day. Don't those people ever take a day off? Don't get me wrong, I love the place and I love them being open when most places are closed. It gives us single, penurious bachelors a place to go for a Holiday meal when we're between girlfriends. I especially like the Santa Slam during Christmas. The Thanksgiving's, 'Pilgram's in a blanket' are pretty good too, but the Big Butt Roast on Michael Moore day has got to be the best. You get a side of beef, a tub of mashed potatoes, and your choice of a mug of chocolate syrup or a glass of pie filling.
Taking the lead from MacDonalds, I heard that Denny's is thinking of introducing their own version of the Happy Meal. Partnering with Rosie O'donnel, they're going to call it The Heavy Meal. It comes with enough food to keep the mouth completely full for four, 15 minute segments. It has a toy, but you have to supply your own four 'D' cell batteries, and the straps can cause irritation to the skin.
In an effort to be non-discriminatory, the restaurant chain is also offering a breakfast menu for radical Muslims, as well. They call it the Guantanamo Bay Gormet. They wanted to base it off the actual menu from the Military prison camp, but it was too expensive. So they went with the next best thing: The Gitmo Goulash. It has all of Al-queada's favorite ingredients: ammonia, gunpowder, nitric acid, red dye number 5, and to give it a little kick, just a smidgen of C-4. Mmmm, yummy.
Not to be left out, many politicians will enjoy their own menu items. Harry Reid will head up all the linguini dishes, including anything that may fall into the limp and flaccid category.
John McCain will be putting his name to a nice, tender cut of roasted crow, covered in hollandaise sauce with all the trimmings.
Sarah Palin is going to have her own specialty dish as well. It won't be available until 2012, but it will be called The Palin Socialist Sampler, and will have several varieties of the majority party on it.
And not to be left out, our clean new president, Barack Obama, will be serving up his Taxes Toasters. Four big hearty slices of golden brown bread, half of which is to be given to the family at the next table, depending on how much money you make.
So there you go, the new Denny's menu. That old reliable institution that I have loved for so many years. It really is a great place to eat, and their coffee is just about the best you'll find of any restaurant of its class.
That's it. Thanks, and bon appetite.

(there is a Barney Frank dish, but it may ruin your meal and you have to be over eighteen and have a password to get it)

Keck